written by: Jacasa Currie editing and proofreading by: Daniel Currie As adults, we know that our relationships, friendships, and connections are in a constant state of growing, dissipating, and changing. This can be a hard concept for our teens to understand. Especially when it comes to the loss of those connections. Try to think back to when you were in school. You most likely, unless you moved around, grew up with the same group of kids. Your friends were mostly your friends. Occasionally, there were new people introduced, or one or two people changed. But it is hard to realize that there are more people in the world than just those that go to your own school. It is also equally hard to understand when those connections need to be severed for the teen's own well-being. Table of Contents ► Know the Signs ► My teen has a friend like this... What now? ► Do not write off their friend. ► But what if this friend is seriously causing problems, like getting them involved in dangerous behaviors or thought patterns? ► Be a role model for your teen. ► The Wrap-Up As a parent, it can be tricky to try to let them know who they should or shouldn't be spending time with. A parent's job isn't to control but to guide. So, the big question is: how? Know the Signs Let's first take a look at what it means for someone to be toxic. This seems like a mean term, but it is the best way I can ensure we are clear that this message gets across. It is someone who brings more negative than positive to your life. Or maybe they just bring you down, and you are tired of that feeling. Now, we will break down the most common traits/actions of toxic people: 1) Manipulative Behavior They use others for their own advantage. Example in a teen: Pretending to befriend someone because they intend to copy their homework. Then, when they don't need their help anymore, they start to ignore them. 2) Lack of Empathy When faced with others' issues, they tend to show little regard for others' feelings; instead, they turn things around to be about them. Example in a teen: When a friend is upset about a breakup, they respond with, "You think that's bad? My life is way worse," instead of offering support. 3) Constant Negativity This person will radiate negativity; they will approach most, if not all, situations with a pessimistic attitude. Example in a teen: No matter what happens, they find something bad to say: If a friend gets an award, they say, "It's probably not even a big deal," or if plans are made, they assume, "it's going to suck anyway." 4) Criticism and Judgement They often put others down, diminish their accomplishment, and make others feel inadequate. Example in a teen: They may mock their friend's clothing, interests, or achievements, making snide comments like, "You actually think you're good at that? That's embarrassing." 5) Controlling Tendencies They often micromanage or try to control the thoughts and/or actions of others in order to achieve personal benefit. Example in a teen: Telling their friends who they can or can't hang out with, demanding loyalty, and getting angry if someone talks to people they don't approve of. 6) Shifting of Blame They never take responsibility for their actions and blame others when things go wrong. Example in a teen: If they were to get in trouble at school for talking in class, they immediately say, "It's not my fault. They were the ones distracting me." 7) Exploitation Using others' kindness or weaknesses for their own benefit. Example in a teen: They guilt-trip a friend into always paying for their food saying, "You have more money than me, it's no big deal," without ever repaying or showing gratitude. My teen has a friend like this… what now? So, now that we have a little better understanding of how this could look. Let's say you've noticed that a teen has a friend who is displaying one or multiple of these behaviors. What should you do? The first thing you should do is to sit down and have a calm conversation. Mention what you have been noticing that their friend seems to be displaying some concerning behaviors. Then, point out specific examples of what you have been noticing. As much as you would love to say I want you to stop spending time with this person, it is best to avoid that. Why, you might ask? Think about when you were a teen. Do you think that you would respond well to that? Probably not. Essentially, you will just push your teen to continue spending time with them, and possibly even more time if they feel spiteful. You have to remember this connection feels super important to them right now. Instead of pushing them that way, calmly explain that you are concerned that this could be affecting them negatively. Then, ask them if they have noticed the same things. If they have, encourage them to have a conversation with their friend. The friend's response determines whether or not they should continue or walk away. Sometimes, we do things naturally and do not realize we are doing them. When things get pointed out, we are able to notice and correct our behaviors. This is the best-case scenario. If the response is more negative, the next suggestion should be to distance themselves, at least for a little while. This allows your teen to give their friend space to rethink their actions and possibly right them. If not, it allows them to see their true colors and hopefully make the choice to walk away. Overall, you want to be more of a listener than an advice giver. The suggestions above are great ways to guide without overdoing it. When your teen sees that you have their best interest in mind instead of just controlling things, it helps to build that positive relationship and fosters open communication. Your teen will feel more comfortable coming to you in the future for guidance. You also have to decipher when they need someone to just listen to them. After their conversation with their friend, they may come to you to update you on the situation. Always remind them that you are there for them and just listen until they ask for your assistance. Do not write off their friend. What exactly do I mean by this? Essentially, do not hold grudges, at least not to your teen's knowledge. When your teen goes about this conversation, they may decide to walk away and have some negative things to say about said friend, but later, rekindle their relationship. It is hard not to remember all the hurt they may have gone through the first time around, and you shouldn't forget. Keep it filed away, but do not show your grudge to your teen. If you do end up saying well, I really do not like this friend because they did x, y, and z, you are breaking that line of trust you had built, and your teen will feel as though they shouldn't come to you because you will always hold a personal grudge. Instead, inquire about the rekindled friendship. Ask them how they ended up fixing things and if they feel they are sincere about their apologies if any occurred. Tell them that you trust their judgment but just to be wary until they have fully proven themselves and that you will always support their decisions. But what if this friend is seriously causing problems, like getting them involved in dangerous behaviors or thought patterns? It is important to remember that while a parent's job is to guide, it is also to protect. If you sincerely feel as though they are negatively impacting your teen, then you should communicate that to your teen. Be honest about your feelings and concerns. Suggest that they come over to your house, where it is a little easier to monitor their activities. Keep a closer eye on them. We have to teach our teens that everyone has choices and that choices have consequences. It is important to remember that they are not you. They have their own thoughts, feelings, and choices. I am not saying to just let them do things, but open communication and a little breathing room go a long way. The more you honestly and openly communicate with your teen, the more likely they will be to reciprocate. Be a role model for your teen. Possibly the most important aspect is to show examples to your teen of what it means to search out the most positive connections out in the world. This can be shown through your own relationship because as much as a parent doesn't want it to happen, teens will begin dating. This could also be shown in your own friendships. If you have ever had to decide that maybe someone wasn't a positive friendship and you had to walk away, use that as an example in conversation. Being able to relate to your teen will help them understand that you might just know what you are talking about and help them get to know you better as a person. The Wrap-Up In the end, guiding your teen through friendships—both healthy and toxic—is about maintaining open communication, trust, and support. Instead of controlling their choices, provide them with the tools to recognize unhealthy behaviors and make informed decisions on their own. Be a listener, a role model, and a source of encouragement. Friendships will come and go, and while it's hard to watch your teen struggle, allowing them the space to learn and grow will ultimately help them build stronger, healthier relationships in the future. Your guidance, patience, and understanding will make all the difference in helping them navigate these important social dynamics. Love it? Share it! (links below the written date/references!) Make sure they know where it came from 👌 #GuidingTeenagers #CurlyStacheBlogs #BloomingThoughts Take me back to more blog articles! ✒️ Take me home 🏠 Back to the top ⬆️ Originally Written on: February 3, 2025

written by: Jacasa Currie Hi everyone! Welcome back to those who have read any of my previous blogs. Welcome to first time readers! If you’ve been with me, you may know my story about my previous experiences in life. If not, I encourage you click here to read one of my previous blog posts in which explains what happened to inspire this current blog post. What is a narcissist? Anyways, let’s get back to it. So, what exactly is a narcissist? A narcissist is defined as a person who is overly self-involved; and often vain and selfish. I know this is kind of vague. To get a better understanding I will go over what behaviors and signs will be displayed if you come across someone who may be a narcissist. Signs of Narcissism - lack of empathy - need for admiration - willingness to exploit others - entitlement - not taking responsibility for own actions, instead always putting blame on others - refusing to admit to being wrong, even if they are presented with evidence that they are indeed wrong - downplaying other’s accomplishments - boasting about their accomplishments - unwarranted jealousy - turning every conversation into a conversation about themselves - asking for favors/help but not reciprocating when asked to give it - guilt tripping - difficulty working in team settings (ex: work/school groups) – refusal to listen to other’s ideas, dismissing other’s suggestions, insisting on doing most of work themselves - believing they deserve special treatment - overly critical of others From this list it may seem as though it would be super easy to identify a narcissist. However, sometimes the signs are so subtle or stay hidden for a portion of time. In my own experience, I found that my ex-husband was very good at hiding it in the beginning. He did everything “right” until he convinced me that it would be a great idea to get married. He also made me feel like I wanted it and so I played along with the idea of getting married so early into a relationship. I also was 19, which means it was one of those typical “young and dumb” situations. He constantly showered me with compliments, attention, and gifts. After a high school relationship that had really broke my heart, I was so pleased to have found someone whom I thought truly loved me again. Of course, I also was graduated from high school, of course in college, but still I felt I was an adult and therefore it was a valid decision. Once we did get married, he instantly showed his true colors; it was all downhill from there. Red Flags are like Stop Signs…STOP! We all know those things called red flags. It is super important not to ignore those red flags no matter how late in a friendship/relationship they show up. They are called red flags for a reason, red means stop. Now not every red flag is worthy of ending that friendship/relationship. Some are ones that may be resolved, but others, especially if there are multiple, are end worthy. Step One to Address a Red Flag The first thing you should do if you come across a red flag is confide in someone about it, or even journal about it if you don’t feel comfortable telling someone. By telling someone else, they will be able to help you discern whether or not there is a real problem or whether it is just something that you are overreacting about. Sometimes we can look too much into things so that outside viewpoint helps to sort that out. The reason a journal is also a good option is because you can look back and see if that red flag is still occurring or whether it has resolved. You could also use a combination of both options. Step Two to Address a Red Flag If you are bold enough you can skip the first mentioned step and skip right to this one. If not, the next step is to talk directly to your friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner. Simply say something like; “Hey, I really didn’t appreciate when you did this, it really hurt.”, or “I noticed that you do this/say this and I really would appreciate if you would stop.” This lets the person know what it is that they could be doing that they might not be aware they are doing. If they truly care about you, they will be willing to discuss why they do this, apologize, and either stop, or work on whatever it is that they need to in order to fix it. Narcissists are Master Manipulators If the person is a narcissist, they will somehow turn the problem back into something you did or blame you for the reason they do that. They will not sincerely apologize and certainly will not change their behaviors. Sometimes when blaming you, they can be a master at making you feel bad that you would even think that way. If this happens and you come across this type of response, it is vital that you do not ignore this behavior. This is no longer a red flag but a narcissist flag. I encourage you to get out of that situation as soon as possible. It is less important to end a friendship over this depending on the severity of the issue you are presenting the person with. But in an intimate relationship, it is 100% leave worthy. I can promise you that it will get worse over time. Settling isn’t Worth Your Happiness You might be wondering why do people ignore red flags, or maybe why you yourself ignore red flags? Well, the answer is simple, we all just want to be loved. I know that in the past I ignored them because I thought well everything else is good, I can deal with this one thing I don’t like. But it is more than just something that you don’t like, it is a warning. Simply put, we settle for less than we deserve in order to find a life partner. Most of us are looking for someone to spend our lives with, maybe have a family with. Dating can be exhausting. Especially the older you get and the closer you get to that feeling that you are truly ready to settle down. We start to accept more and more wrongs in a relationship because it can feel like that window of time is closing on us. The truth is, there is no set time to do things in life. We often look at others’ lives and want what they have. Sometimes that can be a successful marriage, children, even successful careers. Is it true that there is an average time in one’s life that those things happen, yes. However, everyone is different. Life is not a race. The more you try to quicken the process the more you will be willing to deal with in order to get there. At the end of the day, you end up deep down knowing you are unhappy, but at least you have someone. Now, what if you could have more? What if I told you the wait and pain of seeing others “succeed” before you will be worth it in the end? Well, I am here to tell you that it is. We all only live this life once. We get one shot to make this life the best it can be. Well, when you look back on your life, are you going to be able to say that you were truly happy? That you were able to feel alive rather than just living? If the answer is no, then you should take a deeper look into why that is and start making changes. These changes might be extremely difficult, but the end result is your own happiness and living a fulfilling life! How to Leave a Narcissist: Friendship If you are at the point where you realize that you need to end a friendship/relationship due to their narcissism, there are a few ways to do so. If the relationship is a friendship, there are two options. Option one: slowly distance yourself over time until you completely stop communicating. Option two: have a conversation with said person about why you need to take a step back from the friendship. I should warn you that this conversation will more than likely not be an easy conversation. The person will more than likely blame everything on you and make you feel guilty. But stand your ground and stand by your decision. You can even offer an opportunity for redemption in the future but be stern on a break from friendship for the current moment. How to Leave a Narcissist: Intimate Relationship If the relationship is an intimate relationship, this can become trickier as there are more complex feelings involved in an intimate relationship. My best advice is to just rip the Band-Aid off. There isn’t going to be any easy way to go about it. Of course this should be something talked about in person, unless there is a special circumstance that makes this a bad option. For example, an abusive partner, or the conversation happening to come up in text and there is no way around it. The best place to have this conversation is in a public place. This ensures that you can just leave if you need to and that their behavior is limited to the societal norms of behavior in a public space. Of course, there is that possibility that they still could display explosive behavior, but your chances of this are certainly lower in a public space. Always try to stay as calm as possible in the conversation, as hard as that may be. If the person starts to become explosive, the best thing to do is to physically walk away. You can even tell them that you understand why they are upset but that you need to walk away from the situation to give them the space to process. This shows that you are empathetic and also confirming that it truly is over by letting them know they should also leave to process things. If after the conversation the person reaches out to you, which they more than likely will, you have a few choices here. You can remind them that your decision is final and that you are sorry they are hurting. You can also choose to block them. A narcissist will beg for you but also when they do not get their way will try their best to knock you down. Sometimes it is best just to block them so that you can sever the ties completely and try to heal. How to Start the Conversation My suggestion is to point out to them that you have been unhappy and why you are unhappy. That after waiting for change, you’ve realized that they are not willing to make the changes in the relationship needed for you to stay. Therefore, you have decided that it is best to break things off. You can also throw in that this may not be what they think is best, but that you know it is what is best for yourself. Be very specific in your reasoning for why you are leaving. This can help you remind yourself mid conversation that you are indeed doing the right thing. This also brings things to their attention with the hope that they can fix this for when they choose to try again in a new relationship. Leaving a Narcissist: My Experience My ex-husband was excellent at making me feel trapped. His manipulation tactic, as many of you know who have read previously, was threatening suicide. He used guilt to make me stay. I cannot count on my two hands the number of times I tried to leave. But a few things kept me from doing so. Of course, he would either swallow pills right in front of me, or simply just threaten that he would kill himself if I left. One specific time that I tried to leave he opened our apartment door, and said “Leave if you want to the door is open. But know that if you do, I will take my car and run it at full speed into a tree, or just straight off a cliff.” I felt so conflicted. If I followed through with leaving, there was that chance that he would do it, he already had tried to commit suicide in front of me. In that instance I would feel as though his blood was on my hands. But there was a chance that he was just saying anything he could to get me to stay. I was not willing to take that chance then. I was never strong enough to walk away from him myself. Because when you are with someone who is mentally/physically abusive, something within you changes. You start to believe the things they say, you start to believe that this is all you deserve. You are stuck in this loop of wanting to leave but being convinced you can’t so therefore you just sort of settle. The last time he ended things with me. He claimed that I was too back and forth for him and that he couldn’t handle me anymore. I came to realize years later that this was not true and that if I was this way, it was because of the time spent being toyed with. Anyways, he said he wanted a divorce for good. I was flabbergasted. In my head, things had been fine, we hadn’t been fighting as much and we were, I thought, overall happy. But clearly, I was wrong. So, after about a week, I left Ohio for the last time back to New York. I was so distraught that I had to have my parents meet me halfway. I will never forget what my mom told me later about how I looked. She said it looked as though I hadn’t slept in a very long time, and that if she didn’t know me better, she would think I was on drugs. I was unable to hold a conversation, unable to focus. My hair was matted where my hair extensions has grown out and I had stopped brushing my hair. I was a total mess. It did not take long for him to try to get me back. Less than a week later. He had texted me telling me how sorry he was and that he wanted me back. I had to fight hard to not give in. But I stood by that I was not going to go back. I knew that this cycle would be a never ending one and that I couldn’t do it anymore. Because he could pretty readily always get me back in the past, his tone changed almost immediately once I denied him that chance. He actually at one point told me that he wished I was aborted. Which if you know of my birth story, you will understand why this comment would cut like a knife. He also proceeded to tell me that no one will ever love me because I am too crazy. That comment still sticks with me to this day and I still feel scared of this possibility. So how did I get through it? I also had to deal with a divorce. This meant that I couldn’t exactly block him because I had to push him to keep things going. He dragged his feet for about a year, until finally it was all over. But throughout that whole time, he still tried, over and over. I confided in my family and friends on what had truly been happening behind closed doors. It feels shameful to talk about. But I did it. Once it all came out, those around me were extremely supportive of me and helped me to stay strong and not give up on myself. Along with leaning on others, I also printed out words of encouragement and taped them to the walls of my bedroom and read them daily, sometimes multiple times a day. They had said things like; you deserve better, you don’t need him, you can do this, etc. My Hope for You I hope that if you are in a relationship with a narcissist that nothing ever goes how things went for me. But the reason I rambled on about what happened to me, is to show a glimpse of how life could be for you if you choose to stay. Obviously, everyone is different, and you could have a much easier experience with someone, and your relationship may seem okay. But it will get worse over time. That is why it is imperative to leave as soon as possible. Do not ignore the red flags. The consequences of staying can be catastrophic. Change can be scary, especially if a divorce or children are involved. But it is important to remember that simple fact that we only live this life once. I want you to be able to look back on your life when your time on this earth is coming to an end and say you know what, I lived a good life filled with happiness. Life will always have its challenges but your partner in this life should not be one. Of course, every relationship has its ups and downs, but it should ultimately bring you happiness. Life After Being with a Narcissist If you have been with a narcissist, especially for an extended period of time, I am not going to sugar coat things. Life won’t be easy. You will have to relearn how to love and accept love. Your views will change on love. Trust will not come easy. You may also find that you feel you do not want anyone for the fear you will go through another disaster. Know that it is okay to take your time. Process all that happened. If you are having a hard time processing, please consider therapy. It is not a sign of weakness to need help. We all need help sometimes. And it is also okay if you want to just move on with your life and find someone new. That first relationship after the narcissist will be the hardest one. But know that it will get better if you work at it. The right person will understand and help you navigate how you are feeling. Overall, do not settle for less than you deserve. If it doesn’t make you overall happy, it’s time to either attempt to bring the issue to attention and fix it or leave. After my ex-husband, it took me years before I felt I even wanted to get married again. I used to be convinced that I would never marry again because I did not want to ever be trapped again. However, through therapy I was able to sort through my feelings and realize that I cannot compare everyone to him. Every person is their own person. I eventually realized that I do want to get married again someday. I am aware that the idea of marriage is becoming more and more less important. But to me, marriage is a sacred bond. Someone who is there for you throughout all life throws at you. I also still believe that marriage should mean forever. I came to realize that I do want marriage, children (which I have always wanted and never wavered from wanting), and to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. A light at the End of the Tunnel Although I have been through so much in those times with my ex-husband. I have healed from it. Do I still have flashbacks sometimes? Of course. But overall, I have healed. With each relationship that I had post marriage, I was able to learn more about myself and what I am looking for. I even got to a point where I was engaged. It was a hard decision to end that engagement, but I am proud of myself for not ignoring my unhappiness and not choosing to settle for less than I deserve. As most know, I am in a new relationship. This relationship is one that I feel confident is my last one. I truly feel as though I have found my soulmate. We actually communicate, both of us! If we ever have any issues that arise, we bring it to the other person’s attention and talk about it. After every little spat, we may have we always talk about it and grow from it. We genuinely enjoy each other’s company. We spend every moment we can together and as we have both been through horrible relationships, we can relate and understand when the other has a thought process that was formed from those past relationships. We are able to be there for each other and rely on each other. Most importantly, we love each other. It is obvious on both sides that it is genuine. That feeling of my feelings being 100% reciprocated and my efforts being 100% reciprocated is so foreign to me. It feels amazing. Now instead of wondering if I am truly loved, having doubts, or being put down, I am cherished and loved for all parts of me, even the ugly ones. While reading books, listening to songs, or watching movies and shows that are about romance, you always think oh that kind of love does not really exist. Well, I can tell you that it does. Those books, songs, movies and shows were not created from nothing. I no longer open doors when we are together. Some may not appreciate this, but I do. He has me wait in the car while he comes around to open it for me. Every single time I go to work or am at college long enough to need a meal he makes my lunch, EVERY SINGLE TIME. In every lunch is also a post-it with a little love note for me. He writes me love letters, leaves love notes in my college notebooks, planners, and sometimes around the house to find when I come home from a long day. He is always reminding me how beautiful he thinks I am inside and out. We have date night every single Friday even if it is just staying in to watch movies and order take out pizza. The day after Thanksgiving it was time for me to decorate the house for Christmas. When the time came to put up the tree he was excited to do this with me along with listen to Christmas music in the process. And when we finished, he offered his hand to me to slow dance to the song “Halleluiah” when that came on. No longer am I expected to take care of everything around the house. He steps up and takes care of so much housework, virtually all of it actually. His reasoning is because he sees how hard I work between actual work and college and wants me to be able to focus on my studies. I could go on and on about the things he does for me, but that is not the point here. The Point The point of that long ramble is to never give up looking for happiness. I believe that everything happens for a reason. Each person we come across is put in our lives for a reason, whether to stay and teach us how to be happy, or to teach us something about ourselves. If you are someone who has been with a narcissist, or have been in an abusive relationship, then let my story be hope that you too can find happiness. Don’t ever give up on yourself. Even if you choose that you would rather just go through life without being in another relationship do that. Do whatever it is that brings you happiness. If you are someone who is currently with a narcissist. Please do yourself a favor and get out. I know it can be extremely hard to leave, but trust me, it is so worth it in the end. Stick with your decision and fight for yourself. No matter what happens, you can get through anything you put your mind to. I believe in you. And if you need extra help, I am always here for people who need someone to talk to. Or you can always get into therapy. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a huge advocate for therapy. I wouldn’t be here without it. In Conclusion I know this was a very long read. I hope that you all made it this far. If you have, thank you so much for reading. If you chose not to continue well then, I guess you won’t see this. But, as always, I hope that my story and my advice can help at least one person who may be out there struggling. Life really knows how to kick you when you’re down sometimes. I hope I can be part of what helps to pick you back up, dust off the dirt and keep fighting. You are worth it! I will see you in the next blog post! - Jacasa Currie - Blooming Thoughts Blog Suicide Prevention Hotline 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Call 988 or Text 988 Or Visit: https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox Domestic Violence Hotline Call 800-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788 Or Visit: https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence View this post over at Blooming Thoughts from Blogspot Love it? Share it! (links below the written date/references!) Make sure they know where it came from 👌 #GuidingTeenagers #CurlyStacheBlogs #BloomingThoughts Take me back to more blog articles! ✒️ Take me home 🏠 Back to the top ⬆️ Originally Written on: December 9, 2024

written by: Jacasa Currie editing and proofreading reviewed by: Daniel Currie Let's welcome Blooming Thoughts Blogs, Jacasa, and her inspiring perspectives, with her first post of many to come here in Guiding Teenagers! Last week we looked at understanding how to support gay teens. This week, we take a look at the point of view of a teen themselves. Let’s take a look at a conversation I had with a teen close to me. I asked her 10 questions, all pertaining to her life as a lesbian teen. Let’s take a look at her experiences and perspectives. For this week's blog, we are focusing on acceptance, specifically for the LGBTQ+ community. I took the time to interview someone very close to me who is a lesbian teen. She weighed in on some questions that I feel can be helpful to parents of teens who have come out and teens themselves. I myself am bisexual, but I have never really officially come out to family or anyone who has not accepted that, so I did not feel fit to answer said questions. Take a look at how this teen spoke out about her experiences. 1. How did coming out change your life? As someone who took a long time to fully come out due to the unfortunate backlash of it, it was a very frustrating and long process because it changed the way people view and interact with me. It was much easier for people around me to accept me when I was out, and fitting in was already difficult as I was a quiet kid. So, for a very long time, I hid my feelings and only came out to close friends and family as it made it easier for me to get around in a socially strict environment where you had to fit in with the other kids at school or else you didn't belong. But soon, that started to weigh on my own personal relationships, and it became so frustrating to try and fit in while trying to be myself around my partner. Eventually, I stopped caring about how others felt about my sexuality and instead worried about the people who have my back rather than the ones who don't. In turn, I've found my core group of people who understand and accept me and have helped me flourish as a person. 2. When you came out, were there people who did not approve, and how did you deal/cope with that? When I first came out, I, unfortunately, dealt with a lot of backlash, and there were a lot of people, and still are a lot of people, who don't accept me. For a while, it really did get to me and caused me to recede angrily back into the closet to try to fit back in and regain popularity in my school, as I became a social reject. Slowly, over the years, I began to realize that it was more taxing for me to pretend to be someone for everyone's benefit rather than actually enjoying my life. Soon, my frustration towards those who didn't accept me turned into determination to try and educate those who are willing to understand and make up for wrongdoings in the past. Now, I aspire to enjoy every second with my partner and pave a better world for people I care about. I simply live my life and mind my business, just as I wish others could. 3. What challenges do you face daily? Being that I am still a student, bullying is very prominent and still a large issue that I deal with on a near-daily basis. Simply holding my partner's hand, being of the same sex, causes us to be followed, jeered at, and mocked. Although it irritates me, and I want to snap back, instead, I laugh it off and keep enjoying my time with my partner as I planned to do before an encounter. There are very few public spaces where I can be affectionate with my partner without being confronted, which is frustrating as it's only one of the inconveniences that are thrown at us. 4. What do you wish that the people who are not allies could understand? I wish people who don't accept would understand that sexuality is like a sandwich. I personally prefer ham on my sandwich and I don't like turkey on my sandwich. My close friend prefers turkey and doesn't like ham. It would be silly to hate my friend for liking turkey because that's their preference, and it's truly not that big of a deal. I don't need to force my friend to like ham, because they simply don't like ham and might never like it. Not everyone has to like ham; that's why likes and dislikes are something we dive into our early years so we have a better understanding when we're older. Personal preference differs in everyone, not everyone is going to like the same thing. So, in all, you don't have to agree with someone's sexuality, but it's a huge waste of your time to create an issue or hate someone because you don't agree with them. Instead, spend time on something meaningful like family or making the world a better place around you and the people you care about, or build a rocket if you want. 5. In your opinion, what does it mean to be an ally? An ally, I feel, is someone who simply accepts those around them for who they are regardless of race, sexuality, gender, religion, etc. I personally feel its very simply to become an ally, even as someone who previously wronged another because of who they are. As long as you can learn to understand and accept those around you and strive to correct and prevent wrongdoings from happening again. 6. What advice can you give to someone who is afraid to come out? Take your time, and don't push yourself to do something that puts you in an uncomfortable position. You don't have to lie to the world about your sexuality, but you don't have to tell anyone, either. Your love life is for you and future partners to worry about, so everyone else in between doesn't have to know anything. Of course, if you're in a dangerous situation and your parents or guardian needs to know details to help you, be sure to know your trusted adults and only say what your comfortable with and what will help you in this situation. Once or if you're ready to finally step out of the closet, take a deep breath and remember that it could be a long road ahead, but as long as you have people you can rely on and a determination to live your life freely, you really will be okay, and you will learn to just do your own thing and live your best life while you're still young. 7. How do you figure out who you are? What advice can you give to someone who is trying to figure out their sexuality? When I was young, I never really understood the concept of relationships, and I didn't understand dating or relationships. I viewed relationships and friendships to be at an equal status, and I never felt that spark between anyone I'd been with, which at that point, was only males. Eventually, upon being introduced to new people, I met a girl. We started dating, which, before then, I didn't even think about as an option. I began to realize I was attracted to women. For a while, I considered myself bisexual because I felt I could be with a man if I really tried, but after many years, I considered how I would feel in different situations or aspects of a relationship depending on what gender I was with. After a very long time of debating how I would feel, I realized that I wasn't comfortable being in a relationship with a man in more aspects than one. On the other hand, my attraction towards women grew. I found more comfort in women than I did in men, and I tried and failed with my dating life for a bit until I met one of my best friends. I felt an overwhelming desire to be by her side, and I then found the spark I'd never felt before. I was just incredibly happy just to hear her voice. We got together and had some hiccups along the way, but despite that, my love for her never changed, but my attraction grew by the second. Being with her confirmed my identity, and since I have felt very strongly that I am attracted to women. 8. Do you think that sexuality is linked to mental health? In a way, yes? I don't feel my mental health had much effect on my sexuality, but instead, I do feel my sexuality has had an impact on my mental health. 9. If yes, how so? The stigma towards being gay impacted my self-image, and I eventually began to feel wrong for loving the people I loved. It began to weigh on me and impact my relationships before I regained control of myself. 10. What advice can you give someone who is struggling with their mental health due to backlash from coming out? Take your time! It's okay to go back in the closet and come back out when you're ready again. If you're ready but still suffering from backlash, explore yourself and your sexuality, find like-minded people, and find your support group. It can be friends, family, coworkers, whoever makes you feel comfortable to be yourself. Finding people who can support your through difficult times are crucial pushing through and handing backlash. They should motivate you to be yourself and raise you up when you feel unaccepted. In Conclusion After reading these responses over and over, I feel evermore certain that this blog is important and feel the need to reach many people with it. These days, no one should have to hide who they are. They should be allowed to be who they are and be accepted. But there will always be people who choose not to accept them. So, all we can do is help support our teens through that backlash and to support them as a person. It can be scary to come out, and even if we don't understand or accept it, they should still feel loved no matter what. Love it? Share it! (links below the written date/references!) Make sure they know where it came from 👌 #GuidingTeenagers #CurlyStacheBlogs #BloomingThoughts Take me back to more blog articles! ✒️ Take me home 🏠 Back to the top ⬆️ Originally Written on: June 26, 2024

written by: Daniel Currie editing and proofreading by: Jacasa Currie First, we would like to thank our loyal readers who have continued supporting Guiding Teenagers. We thank you whether you are a new reader, have been here since the beginning, or are somewhere in between. You are all so valuable to us, and we appreciate all of you. We are reaching out in Special Edition Blog to catch you up to speed since our last blog a few months back. Consider this GuidingTennager's State of the Union Message from us to our faithful readers and listeners. In this article, we'll discuss why we've been dark for the past four months and what is to come for GuidingTeenagers. That said, sit down, strap in, and get ready because here we go! Table of Contents ► GT Went Dark? ► Piercing The Veil ► Road to Recovery ► Looking Forward ► The Announcement ► State of The GuidingTeenagers Message: Conclusion GT Went Dark? In July and August 2024, unforeseen, unavoidable issues that greatly affected GuidingTeenagers began to surface. Certain aspects of our personal lives have begun changing drastically, significant to us and how we handle the website. This directly impacted the site and our ability to provide the quality information and attention to detail that you've come to expect in our GuidingTeenagers Blogs and Mashups. Many roadblocks caused us to step away from laptops and computers for a hot minute until we took care of ourselves and our families. These matters were enough for us to take a step back and reflect to ensure we were practicing what we preached. For example, we never thought we would find ourselves in certain situations, such as divorce. Piercing The Veil As extraneous as that can be on a family, teenagers, and many others, for our teens to have the best outcome and success, sometimes the parents need to step away after exhausting all avenues and be humble in admitting it is no longer healthy for each other—especially exposing teens to toxicity constantly. Additionally, when parents are no longer getting along, and there is no resolution in sight, even after genuinely trying and using all available resources, it is time to consider the devastating possibility that it wasn't meant to be. It is never a healthy environment when children or teens of any age witness arguments and observe no resolve between their parents. That being said, over time, it can become a toxic environment in which it is best for everybody that a divorce be the best course of action when there is no good alternative. When a relationship reaches that point, it is one of the few great anomalies where it may be necessary to separate for the benefit of everyone. By doing this, being humble, and perhaps even admitting defeat, everyone involved can continue their neverending pursuit of love, happiness, and inner peace. We allowed closure and forward-thinking by permitting one chapter of our lives to close so another, happier, less stress-filled chapter could begin. Road to Recovery Under no circumstance should a divorce or separation be considered unless absolutely necessary, and the benefits of separation are greater for all family members, not just the parents. Unfortunately, this was the case, and we have all begun moving on with our road to recovery. Moving on is not without its difficulties and monumental challenges. Everything from a simple daily routine to new towns, workforces, schools, and living arrangements gets jostled. Naturally, that is highly stressful and a tough transition mentally, emotionally, and physically for anyone. Hence, the decision to move forward with a divorce or separation should not be taken lightly; the consequences are devastating. Family dynamics change as well, sometimes for the good but many times for the bad, as bonds between the family break, new people come in, connections change, and the future feels very uncertain. This can be traumatic for children and teens, making it vital for the parents to handle their issues as civilly as possible and critically keep the children and teens out of their problems. Looking Forward With all of that said, there have been many reasons for a brief hiatus, but, as stated earlier, we wanted to ensure we practiced what we preached. We must reflect and contemplate our stance because of our strong moral values regarding this brand, GuidingTeenagers. Now it's time to look forward and reveal GuidingTeenagers' future. The last few blogs posted were back in mid-summer, and as most of you know, we welcomed Jacasa from Blooming Thoughts aboard. She has been a great addition to our team, offering a different, positive perspective with a wealth of knowledge and education to back it. Although Jacasa does not have children of her own, she has a wealth of experience working with children as a teacher's aide and various field experiences during college. Additionally, she is three semesters away from her bachelor's degree in childhood education, with the ambition and dream of becoming an elementary teacher. Her education and first-hand experience grant her the expertise she uses to write blogs for both us and her personal blog, Blooming Thoughts. As mentioned, this is a State of the GT Message. What good is a State of the Union-type message without an announcement? This directly affects our blog, so we felt it important to tell you all. Writing this blog has allowed us to get to know each other in ways we never imagined. Although this may be hard to understand for some readers who have been with us since Jacasa's debut (and even before), we cannot go any longer without this coming to your attention. The Announcement Going forward, both of us will still be running GuidingTeenagers; nothing is changing in that regard. The key difference is that we are no longer co-bloggers writing in parallel but now as a blogging couple with a strong sense of duty and passion in raising teens. Overall, it will not change much for most of you personally, and you may not notice anything different. Jacasa, known for her blogs at Blooming Thoughts, and Dan, known for his blogs on this site and formerly CurlyStache Blogs, originally joined forces as guest bloggers for each other's blogs. We discovered our morals and outlooks on life aligned perfectly and began working more closely. We then found it best to become business partners, running GuidingTeenagers in tandem. We continued to work closely and found we were becoming more than business partners. Our philosophies, ethics, passions, and beliefs were unmistakably in sync. This led us to explore what else there could be besides blogging, one of the many hobbies that we share. With that, we took a leap of faith and began a journey together as a couple, embracing life as one. For some of our readers who know us personally, we understand the difficulty of the change. We only ask for your respect in our decision, which has brought us great peace and happiness. State of The GuidingTeenagers Message: Conclusion We look forward to this new chapter in our lives together, continuing to build and contribute to the GuidingTeenagers community with your help! We look forward to a new season, Season 5, officially in January 2025. We will kick off an all-new season filled with exciting content and podcasts, including full-length blogs, our hit Mashups, and a few series blogs. Stay tuned for the latest! Subscribe for email notifications on our newest blog posts. Follow us on Facebook, X (formerly Twitter), TikTok, and Instagram for the latest news, memes, Dad jokes, and, of course, when we drop our newest blogs! See you all next month! Truly, Dan & Jacasa Love it? Share it! (links below the written date/references!) Make sure they know where it came from 👌 #GuidingTeenagers #CurlyStacheBlogs #BloomingThoughts Take me back to more blog articles! ✒️ Take me home 🏠 Back to the top ⬆️ Originally Written on: December 9, 2024

written by: Jacasa Currie editing and proofreading reviewed by: Daniel Currie Let's welcome Jacasa of Blooming Thoughts officially with a special edition blog where she allows you to pull back the veil to see what makes her tick! Enjoy the Podcast wherever you listen; just search Guiding Teenagers or check it out here! Hello, everyone. My name is Jacasa. I am the newest member of Guiding Teenagers. I also have my own blog, Blooming Thoughts. I decided to join the Guiding Teenagers blog when Dan asked me to be a guest blogger. He asked me if I would be interested in joining full-time, so I said yes. I was asked to join because of my writings in my personal blog and also based on my experience with kids/teens. I have worked in schools and am also getting my degree in teaching for elementary school. I have an associate degree in early childhood education from Morrisville State College. I am currently attending SUNY Oneonta. I feel as though I have a lot to offer the Guiding Teenagers blog due to my education and experience, and I am excited to have joined the team. Personally, I am 27 (28 in September). I live with my two dogs, three cats, and our turtle. I enjoy gardening, reading, sewing, bird watching, camping, hiking, kayaking, and really just anything outside. I sometimes say that I am kind of an old lady since I enjoy lots of the things that old ladies enjoy. But I think that they are all quality hobbies. So, why did I decide to become a teacher? I decided to become a teacher because growing up, I was influenced by my teachers and oftentimes was closer to the teachers than my peers. I struggled socially since I was very shy, which is much different from how I am now. I remember I had one specific teacher who really helped me. I took chemistry my Junior year. I failed every single test that I took. My teacher, instead of just letting me fail, took the time to stay after school with me every single day and look over those tests and retake them. I passed the class and the regents. I have never forgotten that. I plan to be the same kind of teacher. I also feel as though teachers are super important. People do not understand how important teachers are. We are teaching children everything. Sometimes even teaching them values. When COVID hit, I was working in the school, and we had switched to virtual learning. Many parents couldn't understand how we did this every single day. That was the first time people really started to appreciate teachers. I also feel strongly that we are shaping the next generation, and if we want them to be successful, we have to guide them in the right direction. Going to school is a little more difficult for me as an adult than it is for people who attend right out of high school. I cannot just go to class. I also have to work, as I have a car and a house. I do feel as though it helps me to better appreciate my education because I know how much it sucks to work dead-end jobs. Right out of high school, I attended Cazenovia College, which has since closed, for graphic design. I realized that I did not want to use that degree, and so I took time off. I worked in retail and hated it. I realized that I did not want to work at a job that I hated every single day. So, I decided to go back to college. I changed my mind many times; at one point, I wanted to be a Physical Therapist Assistant just like my Uncle, but then I changed my mind to an x-ray technician. But I felt like none of those were really what I wanted to do. So, after some more switching around and soul-searching, I decided to do what I had always wanted to do, which was to be a teacher. When I was growing up, I used to line up all my dolls at my grandma's house and teach them everything I learned that day. I loved the idea of being a teacher. Knowledge is power, and I could provide that to people. I never pursued teaching due to others telling me it wasn't worth it because teachers don't get paid a lot, and it is a high-stress job. But, it was my passion to work with kids and teach so I decided it was time to do this for me. When I started my degree and started working with kids, I realized that I had found my niche. I absolutely love it. I am not working in schools right now because the school schedule does not allow me to work during the day, which is unfortunate. So, for the moment, I work at McDonalds, which I do enjoy. Along with teaching, I also decided to minor in Educational Psychology; when I took childhood psychology, I was fascinated. I myself have had a lot of issues in mental health, which started in childhood/teens, so I feel as though I could help those kids to intercept their problems early to help them in their adult lives. I plan to teach for a little while, then go back and get a psychology degree so that I can be a child psychologist or a counselor. I feel as though I could really help kids that way. On the blog front, I decided to make my own blog to share my experiences with the world. I have been through a lot in my life. I actually had started a blog a while back that was about the same things, but I decided I was not mentally ready to share those things yet. I had quite a large following, so I told myself I would get back to when I got better. Now, I have "graduated" from therapy and feel strong enough to handle it. So, I started my blog back up. I have written a few blogs. One was about my experiences, and a few others on various topics. My goal for my blog is to reach people who have suffered from mental illness or have dealt with PTSD or domestic abuse in the current times or the past. They are hard things to deal with, and I feel as though my experiences could help people. I also want to be able to interact with my readers. It is extremely hard to get people to interact with my blogs, but I just hope that people continue to tune in. I also wanted to add a bit about why I started gardening because it is something super important to me. At one point, I had moved in with my grandmother because my grandfather had passed, and she was struggling to be by herself. She was very into gardening and had always tried to get me to garden with her when I was younger, but I wanted nothing to do with it. So, as I got older and was living with her, she needed help with her garden. I started helping and ended up falling in love with it. I felt as though it was really helping me with my anxiety, which I was really struggling with at the time. It is also rewarding to plant something and watch it grow especially every year. When I moved, I took every single plant with me to my new house. After my grandmother passed away, my garden became even more important to me. I cry every single year that my lilies bloom because I used to give them to her on Mother's Day every year. Now, they bloom in my garden, a little piece of her. I also have an obsession with indoor plants. I created my own office, and in it, there are many plants. I think like 20, I don't know, I haven't counted. My friends say I have a problem, but I think they are just jealous that I have a green thumb, and they don't. Here is me with my unbloomed lily. It grew to be over 5 ft tall! I also highly suggest that people who have anxiety try reading if they haven't already. I feel as though it takes me to a whole other world, and I can forget about my problems for a little while. I try to read every single day. I read on my breaks at work and when I get home before I go to bed. It is really relaxing and can really calm you down. There are so many genres and different books out there that everyone could find something they enjoy. I also enjoy reading books that have movies out because I like to watch the movies and compare (the book is always better than the movie). Check out what I am reading now: I also really enjoy photography! I started a photography business a while ago. I really enjoy taking photos. My favorite photos to take are close-up wildlife photos. I feel as though I am really good at that. I do take pictures of people as well, which is where the business side comes in. I have done a lot of one-on-one photoshoots, a senior photo shoot, a maternity, and a newborn shoot. If you or anyone you know are interested in getting a photoshoot done, let me know. I offer affordable pricing! My business is called Jacasa June Photography. Interested and looking for your next photographer? Inquire with Jacasa June Photography - email here! Enjoy one of my favorite photos I have ever taken: Now that I have bored you all with reading my very long post, I shall finish up. I really enjoy writing and hope you guys can enjoy my writing as well. I am excited to have joined the Guiding Teenagers blog and podcast, and I look forward to the journey ahead. If you did not check out last week's blog post, please check it out, I wrote it! I think it will resonate with many. And also, check out my blog at https://bloomingthoughtsjjc.blogspot.com/ Love it? Share it! (links below the written date/references!) Make sure they know where it came from 👌 #GuidingTeenagers #CurlyStacheBlogs #BloomingThoughts Take me back to more blog articles! ✒️ Take me home 🏠 Back to the top ⬆️ Originally Written on: July 3, 2024 Updated on: December 9, 2024

written by: Jacasa Currie editing and proofreading by: Daniel Currie While I was in college studying Early Childhood Education for my associate degree, I took a child development. In this class, I learned about attachment theory. This fascinated me, among other things I learned. There are 4 types of attachment that are originally formed as babies but continue to develop throughout childhood. The good news is you can change parenting behaviors to curb this. The four types of attachments are secure, anxious, avoidant-dismissive, and disorganized. Let’s go through the characteristics and how it can affect adult relationships/adult lives. Table of Contents ►Understanding Attachment Theory: Secure ►Understanding Attachment Theory: Anxious ►Understanding Attachment Theory: Avoidant-dismissive ►Understanding Attachment Theory: Disorganized ►To Achieve Successful Attachments: Secure ►To Achieve Successful Attachments: Anxious ►To Achieve Successful Attachments: Avoidant-dismissive ►To Achieve Successful Attachments: Disorganized ►Conclusion Understanding Attachment Theory: Secure Often times these children feel they are safe and supported by caregivers. This is the type of parent that is strived for. As babies, these children become upset when caregivers leave, but then are comforted when they return, and their caregiver’s presence calms them. In adult relationships they are more likely to maintain healthy relationships. Understanding Attachment Theory: Anxious This is also known as preoccupied attachment or anxious-ambivalent attachment. This is a form of insecure attachment. This happens when the caregiver is inconsistent. The child typically isn’t sure when the caregiver will be emotionally and physically available to them. As babies, they are harder to comfort when crying. In adult relationships they are “needy” or “clingy” and often times not trusting. They become worried that their partner will leave them and need constant reassurance. Understanding Attachment Theory: Avoidant-dismissive This type of person is usually seen as a loner. They are more likely to not delve into emotional conversations. In childhood they had experienced a lack of emotional support or connections. This child was provided with the psychical needs but not emotional comfort, therefore they learn to rely on others for their emotional needs. In adult relationships they are self-reliant and emotionally guarded. They are unlikely to seek emotional comfort or understand how to comfort their partner. Understanding Attachment Theory: Disorganized This is also known as fearful-avoidant attachment. This is the most extreme and least common attachment style. These individuals usually act irrationally, are unpredictable or intense in their relationships. This is formed from trauma/fear in childhood. They had an erratic or incoherent relationship with their primary caregiver. As adults they can develop mental health disorders and/or personality disorders. In adult relationships they experience unhealthy relationships where they crave close relationships but push others away once shown attention. Now let’s discuss how to use parenting to avoid/achieve these. To Achieve Successful Attachments: Secure Like mentioned earlier, this is the one that we are trying to achieve. Ways to do this is to be involved in their lives. It is important to be emotionally available to them whenever they need comforting. It is important to show up to various events in the child’s life so that they feel that presence and feel cared about. If there are babies in the picture it is important to comfort them when they are crying and upset, as hard as that can be at times. To Achieve Successful Attachments: Anxious To avoid this attachment style, it would be important to make yourself readily available to them emotionally. Although making sure they are provided for psychically is important, children need the emotional support just as much. Trying to keep an open line of communication is as always important as well. Just being there for the child is extremely important. To Achieve Successful Attachments: Avoidant-dismissive This one like the last one focuses mostly on the emotional aspect of things. For this one it is also important to create that close personal relationship with your child. Have daily conversations and even if you are not actually interested in what they are, still ask about it. Make sure they feel that they are important in your life. Always communicate with them to create that open line of communication. To Achieve Successful Attachments: Disorganized This one should be easy to avoid. However, sometimes we find ourselves in unsafe/abusive situations. In those situations, even if the person you are with is not hurting your child, they are witnessing you getting hurt whether it be mentally or physically or both, and that in turn hurts and effects them. It is important to get yourself out of those situations. If you are the one who is being unsafe/abusive then it is important to find immediate help for yourself. Even if that means you may have to distance yourself while you get better, this is still better for the child in the long run. If this has to happen, it is important to continue to communicate with your child (if possible). In Conclusion It may seem like some of this is extreme, but the little things that parents do every day affects their child. Sometimes there are things that we do that we don’t even realize we are doing such as telling the child to go play and not engaging in how their days were. Those little things will go a long way in ensuring their success and avoiding the negative attachment styles they could develop. —Jacasa Currie, AAS, ECE Love it? Share it! (links below the written date/references!) Make sure they know where it came from 👌 #GuidingTeenagers #CurlyStacheBlogs #BloomingThoughts Take me back to more blog articles! ✒️ Take me home 🏠 Back to the top ⬆️ Originally Written on: July 10, 2024

written by: Daniel Currie editing and proofreading by: Jacasa Currie Welcome to the age of the screen, where teenagers live in a digital world that never sleeps. Their reality? A constant stream of likes, shares, and endless scrolling. But behind the perfectly filtered posts and viral trends, a battle rages—teen mental health vs. social media addiction. Teen anxiety, depression, and self-worth are being shaped not by real-life experiences but by algorithms and curated feeds. This isn’t about blaming technology—it’s about understanding the impact of social media on teen mental health and how it’s rewiring young minds. 🚀 🔥 Stay tuned! Part 2 drops Monday, 4/21, by Jacasa! She’ll tackle teen mental health and social media addiction in schools, peer pressure, and the hot debate on phones in school! Don’t miss it! Table of Contents ► The Mental Health Crisis in Today's Teens ► How Social Media is Fueling the Mental Health Epidemic ► The Dopamine Trap: Why Social Media Hooks Teens ► Signs Your Teen is Struggling with Their Mental Health ► Breaking the Cycle: How to Help Your Teen Without Losing Your Mind ◦ Step 1: Open the Coversation Without Judgment ◦ Step 2: Set Healthy Boundaries with Social Media ► Building a Positive Digital Identity: Empowering Teens Online ► Self-Care Beyond the Screen: Mental Health Tools for Teens ► Conclusion: It's About Balance, Not Banning The Mental Health Crisis in Today’s Teens Imagine this: A teen wakes up and checks their phone before even rolling out of bed. Before breakfast, they’ve seen a model-perfect influencer, their friends hanging out without them, and a viral challenge they need to try. Their dopamine hits keep coming—but so does the anxiety. 📌 The Reality Check: 1 in 5 teens has a diagnosed mental health disorder. Social media comparison culture fuels stress, anxiety, and self-doubt—major contributors to declining teen mental health. Dopamine addiction trains teens to crave instant validation, further worsening the impact of social media on teen mental health. How Social Media is Fueling the Mental Health Epidemic Think of social media as junk food for the brain. A little won’t hurt, but too much? It leaves teens drained, addicted, and craving more—seriously affecting their mental health. 📌 The Harsh Truths: The TikTok & Instagram Effect: Unrealistic beauty standards, luxury lifestyles, and pressure to ‘perform’ online contribute to body dissatisfaction and low self-esteem—key factors in declining teen mental health. The FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) Cycle: Teens feel trapped in the ‘always online’ world, fearing they’ll miss out if they unplug. This constant connectivity increases stress and anxiety—magnifying the impact of social media on teen mental health. Cyberbullying Never Sleeps: Bullies now have 24/7 access to victims. Digital harassment has become one of the leading triggers of mental health struggles in teens. The Dopamine Trap: Why Social Media Hooks Teens Dopamine is the brain’s feel-good chemical, released when we experience something rewarding—like a like, share, or comment on social media. This neurological loop is at the core of the social media addiction problem affecting teen mental health. 📌 The Science Behind Dopamine & Social Media: Instant Gratification Loop: Every notification or post triggers a dopamine spike, reinforcing compulsive behaviors linked to poor teen mental health. Tolerance Builds Over Time: The more they scroll, the less rewarding it becomes—leading to increased screen time and further exacerbating the impact of social media on teen mental health. Withdrawal & Mood Swings: When dopamine levels drop, teens experience irritability, anxiety, or restlessness—key warning signs of compromised mental health. Signs Your Teen is Struggling with Their Mental Health Not all struggles are loud. Sometimes, they hide behind a phone screen, behind “I’m fine.” Recognizing early signs is essential to protecting your teen’s mental health. 📌 Red Flags to Watch For: Sudden mood swings, withdrawal, or irritability: These are common signs that social media addiction is impacting teen mental health. Chronic fatigue, headaches, or sleep issues: Excessive screen time disrupts rest and recovery, often leading to declines in both physical and mental health. Obsessive phone use: Panic when without their phone, constantly checking notifications, and inability to reduce screen time all point to the deeper impact of social media on teen mental health. 📢 If any of these hit home, don’t ignore them! Keep reading for practical solutions to protect your teen’s mental health. Breaking the Cycle: How to Help Your Teen Without Losing Your Mind Step 1: Open the Conversation Without Judgment Want to help your teen? Drop the lectures. Instead, listen. Meet them where they are, especially when discussing the impact of social media on teen mental health. 📌 How to Start the Conversation: Ditch the blame game: Ask open-ended questions and let them talk. Show you're a safe space to share their mental health struggles. Validate their feelings: What may seem trivial to you might be a big deal in their world, particularly when it involves their digital identity and mental health. Focus on balance, not bans: Help them create a healthier relationship with social media to improve teen mental health outcomes. Step 2: Set Healthy Boundaries with Social Media 📌 Practical Tips for Parents: Create “tech-free” zones: Promote connection and better sleep—two essential elements for good mental health. Encourage offline hobbies: These offer a dopamine boost that supports teen mental health naturally. Teach digital literacy: Help them see beyond the highlight reels, an essential step in reducing the negative impact of social media on teen mental health. 💥🚀 🔥 ⚡ → Stay tuned! ← Next episode, we’ll tackle what to do about social media in schools! 🧠🔍📱🎉 Building a Positive Digital Identity: Empowering Teens Online Teen mental health can benefit from social media—if used intentionally. Help your teen create a meaningful and safe digital life. 📌 How Teens Can Positively Leverage Social Media: Encourage authentic self-expression: Being real online can boost confidence and protect teen mental health. Promote purposeful posting: Focus on interests, achievements, and passions to shift the mental health narrative toward empowerment. Teach responsible digital citizenship: Empathy online leads to stronger communities and better emotional health. Connect to positive communities: Online groups with shared values can be lifelines for mental health support. Self-Care Beyond the Screen: Mental Health Tools for Teens Caring for teen mental health requires more than screen restrictions. It's about building emotional resilience. 📌 Practical Self-Care Strategies to Teach Your Teen: Mindfulness & relaxation techniques: These help counteract the dopamine rollercoaster caused by social media. Physical activity & outdoor time: Movement is powerful medicine for teen mental health. Creative expression: Writing, drawing, or music allows teens to channel emotions in healthy ways. Healthy sleep routines: Good sleep hygiene directly supports stable mental health. Conclusion: It’s About Balance, Not Banning We can’t erase social media. But we can teach teens how to use it without letting it use them. The goal is to lessen the impact of social media on teen mental health while building real-life skills for resilience. 📌 Final Thoughts: Open conversations lead to real change: Communication is your most powerful tool in safeguarding teen mental health. Mental health awareness is key: Empower your teen with knowledge. Help them build self-worth beyond the screen: True confidence doesn’t come from likes—it comes from within. 🎯 Remember: The goal isn’t to eliminate social media. It’s to teach teens to control it before it controls them—and to protect their mental health along the way. Love it? Share it! (links below the written date/references!) Make sure they know where it came from 👌 #GuidingTeenagers #CurlyStacheBlogs #BloomingThoughts Take me back to more blog articles! ✒️ Take me home 🏠 Back to the top ⬆️ Originally Written on: April 7, 2025

written by: Daniel Currie Introduction Mother's Day 2024 is fast approaching, bringing with it an opportunity to express love, gratitude, and admiration for the incredible moms and mother figures who fill our lives with joy. From thoughtful traditions to the newest trending gift ideas, this guide provides everything you need to make this year truly special. Let's explore the importance of Mother's Day, its rich history, and how to celebrate it creatively and warmly. Table of Contents ►The Importance of Mother's Day ►Traditions and History of Mother's Day in the U.S. ►Top 5 Mother's Day Traditions Throughout Other Cultures ►Creative Ways to Celebrate Mother's Day in 2024 ►Unique Gift Ideas for Mother's Day in 2024 ►Top Trending Mother's Day Ideas in 2024 on Amazon ►Conclusion The Importance of Mother's Day Mother's Day holds a unique place in our hearts. It's a time to recognize the unwavering love, care, and support that mothers provide daily. The bond between a mother and child is powerful, built on countless shared moments of laughter, challenges, and triumphs. This day allows us to express our gratitude and reflect on how deeply these women have shaped our lives and communities. Traditions and History of Mother's Day in the U.S. In the U.S., the modern observance of Mother's Day is attributed to Anna Jarvis, who wanted to honor her own mother in 1908. She successfully campaigned to make the second Sunday of May a day to celebrate mothers nationwide. Officially recognized in 1914, this tradition continues today with flowers, heartfelt messages, family gatherings, and tokens of love that express our appreciation for mothers. 5 Traditions Throughout Other Cultures Mother's Day is celebrated in various ways across different cultures: Mexico: Mexican families celebrate on May 10th with mariachi bands serenading mothers in the early morning. The day is filled with flowers, gifts, and the traditional song "Las Mañanitas." United Kingdom: Known as "Mothering Sunday," it falls on the 4th Sunday of Lent and traditionally includes church services and gift-giving. Ethiopia: The Antrosht festival brings families together for a feast. Sons provide meat, while daughters bring vegetables for a shared stew to honor their mothers. Thailand: This day is celebrated on August 12th, coinciding with the Queen Mother's birthday. It includes candlelighting ceremonies and parades. India: Mother's Day is relatively new in India but gaining popularity. Families often give flowers, cook their mother's favorite dishes, and spend quality time together. Creative Ways to Celebrate Mother's Day Backyard Picnic: Set up a cozy blanket in the backyard and pack a basket of her favorite snacks. Enjoy an alfresco meal while sharing stories and laughter. Virtual Family Gathering: For those unable to visit in person, organize a virtual family gathering with games and a slideshow to celebrate her. Memory Lane Tour: Take your mom on a tour of meaningful places, like the park where you used to play or her favorite coffee shop. Nostalgia can bring warmth to the day. Cooking Class or Workshop: Sign up together for a fun class, like cooking, painting, or pottery, to bond and create lasting memories. Unique Gift Ideas Personalized Jewelry: Custom necklaces or bracelets with her children's names or birthstones can make a sentimental keepsake. Memory Book: Compile a scrapbook or photo album with family photos, notes, and cherished memories. Spa Package: Treat her to a luxurious spa day, complete with massages, facials, and soothing baths. Subscription Service: Curated subscription boxes deliver gourmet treats, books, or skincare products straight to her door. Top Trending Mother's Day Ideas in 2024 on Amazon Smart Kitchen Gadgets: The latest smart kitchen gadgets, like high-tech blenders or air fryers, are designed to simplify cooking. Fitness Trackers: With features like sleep monitoring and heart-rate tracking, these devices help moms on their wellness journey. Home Aromatherapy Kits: Diffusers paired with essential oils make relaxation more accessible. Self-Care Sets: Curated self-care sets, including bath products, candles, and skincare, are perfect for pampering. Conclusion Mother's Day 2024 is a chance to create beautiful memories and strengthen your bond with the incredible women in your life. There are countless ways to make this year extraordinary, from creative celebrations to thoughtful gifts. Take the opportunity to show your appreciation with love, care, and creativity, and make her feel truly cherished. Love it? Share it! (links below the written date/references!) Make sure they know where it came from 👌 #GuidingTeenagers #CurlyStacheBlogs #BloomingThoughts Take me back to more blog articles! ✒️ Take me home 🏠 Back to the top ⬆️ Originally Written on: May 11, 2023 Most Recent Update on: May 12, 2024

You probably remember the moment everything finally became too much. The argument. The tears. The day you could not get out of bed. The afternoon you stared at one ordinary task and felt as if it belonged to someone else's life. The moment you shut down, called out, canceled everything, or finally admitted that you could not keep going. That moment may have felt sudden. Often, it was not. Your patience had been thinning for days. Your shoulders never seemed to come down. Noise started feeling personal. A harmless request landed like one demand too many. You began dreading things you normally handled without much thought. You kept promising yourself you would stop after one more task, one more message, one more problem, one more person. Then something gave. That does not mean you should have predicted exactly what was coming. Human beings are not warning systems with clean dashboards. Sometimes a bad day is just a bad day. Sometimes you are tired, you sleep, and the weight lifts. Sometimes you handle more than you thought you could and come through it feeling steady. But sometimes you did notice. You noticed, and you decided it was not bad enough yet. Not bad enough to cancel. Not bad enough to ask for help. Not bad enough to leave something unfinished. Not bad enough to disappoint anyone. Not bad enough to stop. The problem is not always that you failed to notice the warning. Sometimes you noticed and kept asking it to prove itself. You Probably Noticed Earlier Falling apart usually gets remembered as one event. The slammed door. The missed shift. The panic in the parking lot. The morning your body refused to follow the plan your mind had already made. The conversation where your voice sounded unlike you. The night you realized you had been holding yourself together with habit and adrenaline, and neither one had much left. That final moment is loud, so it gets all the attention. What came before it may have been much quieter. You were more irritated than usual. You kept avoiding one simple thing because even thinking about it made you tired. You lost your place while reading the same paragraph three times. You wanted everyone to stop asking questions. You started treating every small inconvenience like a personal attack, even when you knew it was not one. You kept saying, "I just need to get through this week," even though you had said the same thing the week before. Because those signs looked ordinary, they were easy to dismiss. You were tired, but everyone gets tired. You were overwhelmed, but the work still had to get done. You needed space, but not badly enough to inconvenience anyone. You wanted a break, but the calendar did not seem impressed. So you kept answering yourself with the same two words: Not yet. Sometimes that answer is reasonable. Life does not pause every time we feel uncomfortable, and every difficult feeling does not require a dramatic response. You may notice tension, finish what you need to finish, sleep well, and wake up feeling better. The trouble begins when "not yet" becomes the only answer your needs ever receive. You were not necessarily waiting to feel better. You may have been waiting for your struggle to become impossible to argue with. Your needs should not have to pull the fire alarm before you believe there is smoke in the room. Why Falling Apart Can Feel Safer Than Stopping There is an uncomfortable kind of relief in reaching the point where you cannot continue. Not because falling apart feels good. Not because you wanted the damage. Not because you secretly planned the crash. The relief comes from the argument finally being over. You no longer have to explain why you need rest. You no longer have to decide whether the problem is serious enough. You no longer have to disappoint someone voluntarily. You no longer have to defend the unfinished work, the changed plan, the unanswered message, or the thing you could not carry. You finally have proof. "I could not keep going" may feel easier to say than, "I chose not to keep hurting myself to finish this." Both statements lead to a stop. Emotionally, they can feel completely different. The first one removes the choice. The second asks you to make a choice while guilt is still arguing back. That is why being forced to stop can feel safer. Not safer for your body. Not safer for your relationships, your work, or your life. Safer from guilt. If the decision has already been made by exhaustion, illness, panic, anger, or complete shutdown, you do not have to trust your own judgment. You do not have to decide that your needs matter. The situation has become undeniable enough to decide for you. Sometimes falling apart feels like permission because it is the first moment you no longer have to defend your need to stop. That does not mean you caused it. It means you may trust an unavoidable stop more than a chosen one. And that is worth noticing, because self-care cannot only begin after your choices have disappeared. Being Needed Can Make Self-Neglect Look Responsible Being needed can feel good. It can give your day structure. It can remind you that you matter to someone. It can feel like love, purpose, loyalty, or proof that you are dependable. You may be the person who answers. The person who remembers. The person who handles the ugly details. The person who stays calm when everyone else starts spinning. The person who keeps the plans moving, the bills straight, the children cared for, the family connected, the friendship alive, or one particular person from feeling alone. It may be a whole household. It may be a workplace. It may be one person whose mood, schedule, comfort, or stability seems to depend on your availability. That role can become part of who you are. It can also make self-neglect look responsible. Being needed can make self-neglect look responsible. You keep answering because they need you. You keep agreeing because somebody has to do it. You keep carrying the extra piece because handing it back would create a problem. You keep delaying your own care because your needs feel easier to postpone than theirs. And sometimes the people around you are not exploiting you. They may not know what it costs you to keep showing up. They may assume you will say something if the weight becomes too much. They may be willing to help, but you have become so practiced at carrying everything that you no longer know how to hand anything over. Sometimes nobody demanded the sacrifice. Sometimes you learned to offer it before anyone could ask. Being useful may feel safer than needing something. It may earn praise, prevent conflict, or help you feel secure in a relationship. If people admire you for never needing much, it can become difficult to admit that the strength they rely on is running out. But someone else's care cannot permanently depend on your disappearance from your own life. Taking care of yourself may disappoint someone temporarily. They may have to wait. A plan may have to change. Someone may need to solve a problem without you. That discomfort is real. So is this: waiting until you collapse may remove your ability to show up at all. That is not selfishness. That is math with a pulse. The Pause You Postpone Does Not Disappear Ignored needs do not always become disasters. That matters enough to say plainly. Not every headache is an emergency in disguise. Not every bad mood is the opening scene of a breakdown. Not every exhausting day means something larger is wrong. Sometimes tired means tired. Sometimes you sleep, eat, breathe, talk it out, or simply reach the end of the day, and the feeling passes. Responding early is not about treating every uncomfortable moment like a catastrophe waiting for its cue. It is about noticing when the same need keeps returning and you keep sending it away. Because the pause you postpone does not always disappear. Sometimes it returns with fewer choices attached. The irritation you keep swallowing leaks into your tone. The short break you refuse becomes the day you cannot function. The task you avoid because it feels manageable enough to delay grows teeth while it waits. The conversation you keep postponing finally happens after resentment has already written half the script. The tension you carry all afternoon follows you into bed and starts tomorrow before you do. The plan you refused to change becomes the week you have to cancel. The pause you keep postponing can return as a stop you do not get to schedule. That is not a threat. It is not a promise that something terrible will happen if you do not respond perfectly. Nobody gets that kind of guarantee. You can notice early, make responsible changes, ask for support, and still become overwhelmed. Life can pile on faster than anyone can organize it. Bodies get sick. Circumstances become impossible. Grief, trauma, money, caregiving, work, and family emergencies do not always leave room for a graceful response. The goal is not to predict every collapse. The goal is to stop requiring one before you believe that something is already hard. Care does not require certainty. You do not need proof that the worst will happen before responding to what is happening now. Before You Become the Emergency You should not have to become the emergency before your needs count. Your needs counted before you snapped. Before you became physically unable to continue. Before someone else noticed. Before the work suffered. Before you had evidence strong enough to show anyone. Before the situation looked serious from the outside. They counted when you first realized you were not doing well. They counted when you wanted a pause but could not explain why. They counted when you started dreading the day before it began. They counted when you heard yourself say, "I cannot keep doing this," then edited it into, "I am probably just tired." You should not have to become the emergency before your needs count. Stopping earlier is not proof that you are weak. It is not laziness. It is not drama. It is not failure. It is not evidence that you cannot handle life. It is noticing that something is asking for attention while you still have choices about how to answer. Early care is not overreacting. It is responding before pain has to become persuasive. Self-care is not only what happens after the crash. It is not just the recovery day, the appointment after everything becomes unmanageable, the apology after you finally explode, or the quiet room you enter after your body has already taken you out of the argument. I wish I could say I understand this because I always noticed early and responded well. I don't. I know this pattern from the inside. I have kept moving past warning signs until they were no longer asking quietly and the decision to stop was no longer fully mine. I know what it can cost when care begins only after the situation becomes impossible to deny. That is part of why I believe this so strongly: your needs count before they become visible to everyone else. Self-care can happen earlier. It can happen when the need is still quiet enough to question. That is often the hardest moment to trust, because there is no dramatic proof yet. You may still be functioning. You may still be answering messages, showing up, laughing at the right places, making dinner, finishing work, and convincing everyone around you that you are fine. Including yourself. But functioning is not the same as being okay. And continuing is not always proof that continuing is harmless. You are allowed to respond before the damage becomes your evidence. Answer One Warning Before It Starts Screaming You do not need to turn this into a new monitoring system for everything that could ever go wrong. You do not need another routine to maintain, another app to check, or another reason to study yourself like a problem. Start with one question: What have you already noticed that you are still arguing with? Maybe it is the knot in your stomach every time a certain name appears on your phone. Maybe it is the way you spend every weekend recovering from the week instead of living in it. Maybe it is the appointment you keep moving because hearing an answer would make the problem feel real. Maybe it is the extra responsibility you keep accepting because saying no might change how people see you. Maybe it is the hobby you stopped because every free hour now gets donated to something urgent. Maybe it is the sentence, "I cannot keep doing this," that you keep translating into, "I am just having a rough day." You do not have to solve the whole pattern tonight. Answer one thing you already know. That might mean saying, "I can help tomorrow, but I cannot do this tonight." It might mean asking someone else to handle one pickup, one call, one meal, one problem, or one hour. It might mean keeping a work cutoff for one evening, even though something remains unfinished. It might mean telling a doctor, therapist, caseworker, friend, or trusted person, "This has been getting harder," without waiting until you can explain it perfectly. It might mean stopping yourself from volunteering for the next responsibility before you begin resenting everyone involved. It might mean making a backup plan for the part of your life you cannot simply walk away from. The response should match the need. Not every warning means abandon the day. Sometimes care takes ten quiet minutes. Sometimes it means food, movement, company, solitude, medication, sleep, a boundary, a conversation, or practical help. Sometimes it means admitting that the situation has moved beyond something you can carry privately. And what helps one person may make another person feel worse. For one person, answering the message brings relief. For another, waiting until morning is the healthier choice. For one person, time alone restores something. For another, isolation is where the problem grows. Your self-care does not have to look like somebody else's self-care. It has to honestly help the person living your life. If ordinary days have become consistently difficult to manage, if distress feels unbearable, or if you feel like you might hurt yourself, please reach for immediate support. Contact someone you trust, a doctor or therapist, emergency services, a local crisis line, or call or text 988 in the United States. You do not need a polished explanation before you are allowed to ask for help. You Are Allowed to Stop While It Is Still a Choice You will not notice everything early. Sometimes you will understand the warning only after the damage is done. Sometimes circumstances will not let you stop when you first need to. A child still needs care. The shift still has hours left. The rent still has to be paid. The emergency belongs to someone else, and you are the person standing closest to it. In those moments, self-care may not mean leaving everything behind. It may mean stopping yourself from adding one more thing. It may mean asking who can cover part of the weight. It may mean saying out loud that you are reaching your limit instead of hoping someone notices. It may mean deciding what can wait, what can be done imperfectly, and what needs support beyond you. One unfinished thing is not the same as abandoning your life. Disappointing someone is not automatically the same as harming them. Needing help is not evidence that you have failed the people who need you. The goal is not perfect self-awareness. It is not preventing every hard day. It is not guaranteeing that you will never become overwhelmed again. The goal is to stop requiring collapse as the only evidence you are willing to believe. You are allowed to believe yourself before everyone else can see it. You are allowed to leave something unfinished while you still have enough of yourself left to return to it. You are allowed to care for yourself even if someone else would have preferred more from you. You are allowed to stop while stopping is still a choice. You do not have to wait until your pain speaks loudly enough for everyone else to hear it. You can answer while it is still speaking to you. You are allowed to care before the damage becomes your evidence. You do not have to become the emergency.

written by: Daniel Currie Human Ink — Part I: Freedom vs. Forever Part 1 of a 2-post series on teens, tattoos, and real-world decision-making. Introduction Turning 18 hits like a lightning bolt: suddenly you can do big, adult things that felt impossible yesterday. Tattoos usually make the top five on that list. This is the story of my own “I could… but should I?” moment — and why I chose to hit pause. “Festina lente.” — Augustus (Translation: Make haste, slowly.) Freedom is a rush; wisdom is a pause. The real question is: can you wait long enough to test the “should I” inside every “I could” moment? Two Camps. One Birthday. When tattoos come up, most families split into two basecamps: “No ink, ever.” Your body is fine as-is; tattoos are a line you don’t cross. “Your body, your call.” You’re of age — more power to you. Most homes (mine included) live somewhere between those two. And then a kid turns 18… and that “somewhere” gets tested fast. 17.99875 Years Old: Three Hours to Freedom Upstate New York, 2001. I was the kid folks whispered would “head down the wrong path.” At 9 p.m. I was stuck home with a junior license that said no driving past 9 unless it’s work. At midnight, that would change. Legally, I’d be “my own man.” 18.00000: The Door Opens — and I Sprint Through It Midnight hits. Keys. Door. Stepdad blockade. Heated words. Car. Gone. First stop: pick up a friend. Second: gas station scratch-offs and smokes (back then, 18 was legal for tobacco; now it’s 21). Third: Denny’s. Steak & eggs. Endless coffee. Too many scratch-offs. Laughing at life at 2 a.m. It felt like someone handed me the master key to adulthood. For the first time, the night belonged to me. When the Adrenaline Wears Off: “Permanent” Starts to Mean Something The new freedoms spun a reel in my head — later curfews, more hours at work, more time with friends and my girl. Then the big one slid into frame: tattoos. I’d wanted one for months. No needle fear. No legal barrier. The only obstacle would’ve been the family conflict of biblical proportions it would cause. And yet… after the sugar-rush freedom faded, a quiet thought cut through the noise: permanent is permanent. If I was honest, 18-year-old me didn’t trust 18-year-old me with a lifetime decision. So I did the most un-18 thing imaginable. I waited. 😯 Why Waiting Was (Secretly) the Bold Move Not getting some body ink at 18 is one of my proudest choices. It wasn’t fear — it was future-proofing: My tastes were still shifting. I was impressionable — by friends, trends, and that new “I can do anything” high. The design I loved at midnight might not survive the sober light of 25… or 35. I still love tattoos. They’re art. They’re story. They’re identity. But they’re also forever, and forever deserves a clear head. My 5 Rules That Saved Me at 18 Sleep on it — repeatedly. If a design survives 60–90 days, it’s sturdier than a whim. Test the story. If you can’t explain the meaning in one sentence you’re proud of, it’s not ready. Future-you check. Picture 25-, 35-, and 55-year-old you wearing it at work, weddings, and with your kids. Still a yes? Placement is a promise. The more visible the spot, the more your future career and relationships inherit the choice. Pain is temporary; ink is not. Be braver about the timeline than the needle. Exceptions I Respect (Even at 18) Memorial tattoos for someone you truly loved. Lifetime loyalties (yes, some of us bleed green — go Packers 😏). Shared symbolism with deep meaning (e.g., siblings’ matching ink). Even then: slow down, plan the placement, and choose the artist like you choose a surgeon. Takeaway for Parents & Teens Parents: Lead with curiosity, not control. Ask about meaning, placement, and “five-years-from-now you.” Teens/Young Adults: Freedom hits fast. Great decisions come after the rush fades. Ready for the Next? Ready for the practical playbook? Read Part 2: Navigating Teen Tattoos: Support Over Suppression (Human Ink — Part II) Frequently Asked Questions Is 18 a good age for a first tattoo? It can be — if the design, placement, and meaning survive time. Waiting a few months and doing a future-you check saves a lot of regret. How do we talk about body art without a blow-up? Ask about meaning first, then placement and timeline. A respectful “not yet” plus a date to revisit beats a hard “no.” What’s a safe way to try before you buy? Use high-quality temporary tattoos, do a mirror test, and take photos in different outfits/lighting. Love it? Share it! 👌 (Links below—make sure they know where it came from!) #MentalHorizons #TeenMentalHealth #GuidingTeenagers #CurlyStacheBlogs #BloomingThoughts Mental Health & Parenting Blogs ✒️ Take me home 🏠 Back to the top ⬆️ Originally Written on: April 5, 2023 Most Recent Update on: Nov 3, 2025

This series is designed (but not necessary) to be read chronologically; if you need to catch up or skip ahead, the links below will take you to where you need to go! What Kind R U? Parenting Series: PART I The Big UNcubed Parenting Series: PART II The Great PRO³ - Parenting Series: PART III What THE? - Parenting Series: PART IV HA! HA! HA! - Parenting Series: PART V UNderstand PROblems THEy HAve - Parenting Series: PART VI This 6-part series began in detail the last post with what it meant to be a neglectful parent. Today we will dive into what it means to parent via the permissive parenting style. Again, as in the previous articles, there is no right or wrong way to parent. Every family is unique on its own, and every family comes from a different origin, making it one of a kind. Never should any family fit such a strict formula originating from psychologists and professors; let this guide what you as a parent want to be or don't want to be. Nevertheless, let's take a quick review of the characteristics of permissive parenting (the first of the four permissive "PROper characteristics") before turning the nuts and bolts: Parent/child relationship is primarily child-driven (Over)indulges their child with rewards to dodge conflicts There are very few rules; they are very inconstantly enforced or not enforced at all Parents are very nourishing to their children but find it challenging to impose limitations and boundaries Jump to a section: >>> The Great PRO³ >>> PROcreate & PROtect >>> PROmise & PROmote >>> PROcrastinate, PROlong, & PROtest >>> PROper Characteristics >>> Conclusion The Great PRO³ As stated, professionals worldwide have come up with four primary classifications for parenting styles. This post will concentrate on the one called permissive parenting. Upon research and to better understand what it means to be a permissive parent, I have broken it into three subcategories that make up The Great PRO³. PROcreate & PROtect The only type of parenting that works with infants and babies is permissive parenting because we, as parents, do not know what our children are trying to tell us unless we can pick up on the cues. As a parent, in this instance, we must ensure the spotlight is brightly centered on them and tend to their every want and need because there is no established 2-way communication yet. New parents that want to PROcreate also have the instinct to want to PROtect their "mini-mes" at all costs. The fact that they want to do this while they cannot understand them (infants or babies who cannot speak yet) is exceptional parenting. As they become toddlers and young children, they learn speech vocabulary and other forms of formal communication skills that allow us parents to know what is wrong or what they want. Once that begins to happen, parents need to understand that the spotlight should start coming off of the child and become a "shared spotlight" between both parent and child since they can communicate now. The issue with the PROcreate & PROtect type parenting begins when a parent continues to "baby" a child when they are old enough to talk, understand, comprehend, and hold a conversation. The parent still sees them as their "baby"; however, this behavior hinders the child from growing emotionally. What will happen is that the child will expect particular (usually more complex) obstacles completed for them, or if they want to avoid doing a specific duty, the parent tends to allow it to slide. Generally speaking, to an outsider looking in, the child appears spoiled or lacks responsibility. As you continue to do for the child, it could lead to outbursts in a social setting, difficulties making friends, and expecting to be pampered by others, especially authority figures (i.e., teachers in school). PROmise & PROmote Permissive parenting starts with PROcreate & PROtect, as all parenting should; however, if overnourished and parenting becomes "overdone" as they get older whereas the parent is still doing or helping the child in ways they should learn to do or deal with on their own, it can lead to dependency issues. Dependence issues can become more prominent when they become teenagers, whereas parents continue to nurture their wants and needs. Parents will PROmise the road ahead with techniques such as the "lawn mower" parent (also known as "snow plow parenting" or "bulldozer parenting"), and parents will PROmote the child's desires with the Helicopter Parenting technique. Helicopter Parenting: As the name suggests, the parent is overly involved in the child or teen's life with a bird's eye view to navigate them around obstacles to ensure their success. Lawn Mower / Snow Plow / Bulldozer Parenting: The modern-day upgrade from Helicopter Parenting. Rather than watching and navigating, the child is the driver of the lawn mower (snow plow or bulldozer). Wherever they want to go in life, the parent actively mows or plows anything in its way to ensure no interfering, micromanaging, or arranging. Doing this protects the child or teen from adversity, disappointment, discomfort, and failure. Both the Helicopter and Lawn Mower parenting styles found in PROmise & PROmote are hazardous to the growth of a young teen. It can lead to dependency, as described already, and the inability to manage failures or conflicts as an adult. Depending on their self-esteem, this could lead to emotional stress, depression, or other mental problems. Furthermore, social cues and relationships could also be affected due to their possible narcissism from always being correct as a child and teen because the parents made sure of it. PROcrastinate, PROlong, & PROtest The final subtype of permissive parenting is the most common of the three. In this situation, the parent (or parents) love and adore their children with all their hearts; however, their tolerance for childish behaviors or attitudes is very little. The parent sets rules and chores and raises the child on a good set of morals- everything they can do to be the best parent they can be; the problem is the child disapproves of the rules, chores, and morals in place. Yes, in some instances, there are medical issues with the child (or even the parent), making it difficult for the child to maintain a certain level of calmness (or the parent dealing with stress, etc.). Still, in most cases, it is everyday family stress. After fighting and reasoning with their child, the parent finally PROtests and gives in to the child's demands or wants/needs. Even after that, it doesn't seem to change for the better, so after PROlonging and PROcrastinating, hoping for the best, the parent gives up, not wanting to deal with the child or teen's behavior. From that point on, the parent lets it go, and the child/teen gets what they want when they want. Because the parent does love the child very much and is just struggling with their behavior, they will occasionally (if not frequently) attempt to instill the rules, chores, or morals. Unfortunately, when the child or teen gets punished for not doing something or disobeying, the punishment goes without being enforced to avoid more conflict. PROper Characteristics Now that we looked into permissive parenting a little bit more, here are the final four PROper characteristics of permissive parenting that can help identify a parent raising a child in this manner: The child is always right: The child is always right if there is a difference between them and another person (regardless of trustworthiness or authority figure) unless there is proof, regardless of how ridiculous it may sound (in the case of "PROcrastinate, PROlong, & PROtest" models it is usually to avoid conflict with the child/teen) Excessive Pampering: What the child wants the child gets, whether it be for simple comforts, to further boost their self-esteem/self-worth, to get their way, or to get them to stop their temper tantrum Equals: When looking from the outside inward, it would almost appear as though the parent and child are equal instead of the parent parenting and the child being the child Sense of Arrogance: In the "PROcreate & PROtect" and "PROmise & PROmote" models, there is a sense of both parent and child having some arrogance or conceited (child: gets what they want / parent: paving the way, overly proud of their child and that they were able to pave the way for them) / in the "PROcrastinate, PROlong, & PROtest" model the child has the sense of arrogance or being conceited. In contrast, the parent feels defeated and disrespected. In Conclusion If you find yourself parenting in The Great PRO³ realm, nothing is wrong with that! It shows compassion for the young mind, including the ability to think for oneself, have imagination, and believe they can do whatever they want. However, this has some definite downfalls that need to be addressed, specifically concerning the child or teen becoming dependent on others. The trick is to take the precious pieces from this and mold them with your unique style ensuring you keep the unwanted pitfalls out! Continue Reading: PART IV - What THE? Parenting advice: Raise them without being overbearing Catch up on the series: PART I - What kind R U? Parenting advice: Raise them without being overbearing, absent, or avoiding conflict PART II - The Big UNcubed Parenting advice: Raise them without being absent Love it? Share it! 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This series is designed (but not necessary) to be read chronologically; if you need to catch up or skip ahead, the links below will take you to where you need to go! What Kind R U? Parenting Series: PART I The Big UNcubed Parenting Series: PART II The Great PRO³ - Parenting Series: PART III What THE? - Parenting Series: PART IV HA! HA! HA! - Parenting Series: PART V UNderstand PROblems THEy HAve - Parenting Series: PART VI We began a few days ago with this new mini-series, "What Kind R U? Parenting advice: Raise them without being overbearing, absent, or avoiding conflict" Today, we will continue specifically covering the parental classification of neglectful parenting, also known as uninvolved parenting. As stated in the previous article, it certainly may sound rough, saying you could be a "neglectful" person- especially regarding your child. In "Part II - UNcubed," we will dive deeper into what that means. Remember, if you find yourself fitting the bill of an uninvolved parent, it DOES NOT mean you don't love and care for them. To briefly review the characteristics as described in Part I: Absent, uninvolved, and freedom-giving Guidance and emotional support are rare Indifferent to the nourishing of their social, behavioral, and emotional life Basic needs are the parent's primary role (food, shelter, clothing) Jump to a section: >>> The big UNcubed >>> UNinvolved & UNaware... to OUTsiders >>> UNinvolved & UNaware... to INsiders >>> UNinvolved & UNcaring >>> Conclusion The big UNcubed There are three significant subcategories within this parenting style, which I call UNCUBED. Families with parents who are (what psychologists and professionals deem) "neglectful towards their children" are typically broken up into three groups: the UNaware (OUT), the UNaware (IN), and the UNcaring. UNinvolved & UNaware... to OUTsiders The first is UNaware (OUT): UNaware to OUTsiders. It is better known as parenting by letting your child fall and making them get back up. The parent loves, cherishes, adores, and cares for their children- however, it often does not manifest as something visual to individuals outside the family and friends. In this situation, the child(ren) and parent(s) have a bond as strong as steel, and they know they would give the shirts off their back for one other. This category is unique because, within the family, everybody is close and sturdy as a rock, a whole family. To an outsider looking in visually, they would never observe these traits. Conversely, within the family and inner circle, the family structure has a different perspective: Always present: Check-ins, daily or weekly, etc., to ensure there are no critical issues and space is given to the child or teen. It is not that they are uninvolved; instead, the parent is not as visually present in ways other families may be. Open communication: There may not be much verbal talking, but there is a clear understanding that "when you need me, I'll always be there," but I want you to learn independently. Guidance without training wheels: I'll be the parent overseeing you from a distance and let you learn from your own mistakes. Self-learning: The child has age-appropriate responsibilities and has to learn how to manage all of their obligations rather than relying on someone to tell them what to do and when to do it. UNinvolved & UNaware... to INsiders The next is where core parenting methods are missing without the parent even realizing it. This type of parenting is "UNaware to INsiders" because not only does it appear as though the parent is absent to individuals outside of the family, but here, family members inside the home feel it too. The parent or parents with this trait love, care, and would die for their own, much like with the "UNaware to OUTsiders," but the main difference is their child(ren) doesn't feel their parents would do that for them. It sounds rough, but the flip side is that the parents believe in their hearts that they are doing good. Usually, the parents will feel that they are giving their child abundant love. An example of this mindset is when the parent gets home from work. The parent will tell the child to play, thinking that's what a good, fun parent would do. In reality, the parent, even if subconsciously, wants downtime from work and doesn't want to tend to household duties. So in this hypothetical example, the average day for a mother to her young 4th-grade son could be: They wake up in the morning, the mom gets him breakfast and ready for school (food, clothing). After school and work, they make it back home, and Mom tells him to play and have fun until dinner, thinking that he would love to play and not do chores so she could relax for a few before cooking dinner. Then comes dinner (food), followed by getting him ready for bed (clothing) and, of course, keeping the roof over their heads (shelter). At the end of the day, mom believes she did an excellent job because she loves and adores her child, and she believes her son loves her just as much in return (and he probably does). The problem is she unwittingly only provided the three essential needs for all humans, neglecting what children and teenagers need the most: emotional support, guidance, and structure. Here are a few examples of the "UNinvolved & UNaware... to INsiders" parental classification: Distant parenting: The parent can primarily only be counted on in times of crisis and needs (not wants). Bare minimum requirements: (food, shelter, clothing) are met exceptionally well, with a sense of pride in doing them. Fun parent: Lack of as many responsibilities, plenty of play time (children), or freedom (teens) as long as it doesn't interfere with food, shelter, or clothing. Unpredictable Children: The child raises themself; thus, their social skills and emotions can become slightly more inconsistent than those raised in structured homes. UNinvolved & UNcaring Of all of the categories in this mini-series, this type of parenting screams toxic. Suppose you find yourself falling into this category. In that case, I suggest sitting down and reevaluating everything regarding being a mom or a dad and making an honest attempt to try changing for your child's sake. This subcategory is just what it sounds like. The parent is uninvolved in all aspects of life and puts other wants, needs, and obligations before their child. Luckily this type of parenting is far between, and when a parent does fall into this category, they will ensure they meet just enough for the child to continue to live (food, clothing, shelter), but not much more. Generally, when this sort of behavior becomes observed, it is because one or more of these are taking precedence over the child or teen: Selfishness: Work, significant others, friends, or hobbies become more important than their children. Mental Health: There is an underlying condition not treated, causing erratic decision-making regarding family. Drug/Alcohol abuse: Addiction to [whatever] has become more significant than the love, compassion, and responsibility for their child. "Accident" or "I don't like kids": Parents who never wanted a baby but do not believe in abortions, or if no moral obligations, did not give it away or abort it; instead, they just "dealt" with it, wanting nothing to do with the child on any level (emotional or physical). In Conclusion Depending on your outlook, there are issues with all three of these subcategories, especially "UNinvolved & UNcaring" whereas "UNinvoled & UNaware... to outsiders" appears pretty structured but hidden from view. The one thing to remember about all three of these, and what makes it why there is never a right way or wrong way to raise a child: Children were all brought up under one of those umbrellas of parenting, so it does seem (more) normal to them than perhaps someone else. They probably feel loved and cared for in their own way, even if it isn't the way you believe. All we can do as a parent is to try our best and guarantee our children that they are getting the absolute best from us, we are not perfect, but we strive to be because they are worth it. Continue Reading: PART III - The Great PRO³ Parenting advice: Raise them without avoiding conflict Catch up on the series: PART I - What kind R U? Parenting advice: Raise them without being overbearing, absent, or avoiding conflict Love it? Share it! (links to share below) Make sure they know where it came from #curlystacheblogs 👌 Take me back to more blog articles! ✒️ Take me home 🏠 Back to the top ⬆️